Can’t Take Me Anywhere

In my “about” link I promised that I would occasionally write short “can’t take me anywhere” posts.  So, here you go…

One cold, wintry night—which was actually just last May because we live in the mountains of Colorado—I was standing by a space heater in our garage talking with my husband while he worked on his dirt bike.

I was wearing my long, down winter coat but still finding it hard to stay warm and huddled close to the space heater.

Later that night we went to the Saturday night worship service at our church.  Since we were running late, I was hoping we could make a subtle, quiet entrance. But the service had already started and the place was packed in the back, so the usher led us to seats all the way up to the second row.

As I took my seat, still wearing my down coat, I quickly realized two women behind us were kind of glancing at me, then looking at each other as if to say, “did you see her?” Wondering why, I took a quick look at myself and was startled to see feathers all over the front of my coat and sweater.

Cringing as I took off my coat, I examined the back of it, and saw hundreds of white and gray feathers covering the back of my coat—some were even floating into the air. Apparently I had gotten too close to the space heater earlier and it had burned a small hole in my down coat.

My husband was looking amused, probably thinking, “yet another I-can’t-take-her-anywhere moment.”

While trying to gather up feathers—those that had escaped and were drifting away and those still stuck on my coat and sweater—I began to quietly laugh. You know the kind of laughter that only happens in church where you must make no sound, but your shoulders shake and you can’t stop?

I realized that I must have looked like the crazy church lady who had plucked a chicken right before going to church that night. I imagined feathers flew behind me, leaving a trail down the aisle, as we marched late into church.

For some reason Pig-Pen’s dramatic and messy entrances from the Peanuts cartoons came to mind and made me laugh even more.

If you tend toward being clumsy or somewhat scattered at times, you have to have a sense of humor and laugh at yourself once in awhile. What about you? I’d love to hear one of your “can’t take me anywhere” moments. Come on, we’re in this together!

9 Responses

  1. Oh dear! I burned my leg on a space heater because I was sitting too close to it once! Haha. So I can definitely relate. Love that you are doing these lighthearted posts, Judy! When I was in college, my group of friends dubbed my CTMA moments as “Laurenisms.” I can’t help but laugh whenever I think about that. Hope you are having a great Monday! 🙂

  2. Blustery entryway, pretty pink dress, three people covering their eyes behind me! A few years back as I finished up the high-school parent-teacher meetings for two of my kids I left feeling pretty pleased. As I exited the main entrance of the school, a big gust of wind swirled into the entry way. There was no time to push my dress down, as my hands were full of papers, my purse, and a cup of coffee. Whoosh, up went my dress! I quickly spun around to find three people I knew in town who were covering their eyes. Good grief, what a humbling moment as I lived in a small farming community at the time, where I knew many who lived there. We all had a hearty laugh together that day, the kind that brings tears to your eyes and bright redness to your face. Chalk it up to one of those pride reducing moments in life.

  3. I’m so glad we are not alone in our clutziness! Yes, I have a story, well actually many stories like yours. Once when I was in my early twenties, I went to pick up 20 baguette loaves from the local fancy French bakery. Think early 90’s- high heel black pumps, short, tight, black pencil skirt, very busy street, business lunch hot-spot!
    Heel broke, I fell, skirt SPLIT, bread flew, white underwear! OH MY! My sweet boss gave me a a nice big gift certificate for my troubles that day. My sister and I actually have a construction paper crown with the words “QLUTZ QUEEN” written on it that we pass back and forth per incident. Love your stories!

  4. This story made me chuckle a lot. Also, the picture of your hair flying. I didnt even notice that before! I have a great story I will tell you about toilet paper..and the Metropolitan Museum of Art..but ya gotta call me. I’m not gonna make it public here!

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